October 4, 2009 Sermon

Our Pilgrim Coats: Walking an Ancient Path (Numbers 33: 1-2; Romans 15: 22-24)

Katy Hedalen

The Camino de Santiago, the way of St James, le chemin de st jacques, jacobsweg, all these names and many more for an ancient pilgrimage route. That can begin from anywhere you choose. This past June and July I walked 800km from St. Jean Pied de Port in France to Santiago de Compostelle in Spain. The beauty of this walk is that everyone has different experiences. These are a few imprints from my adventure.

I first heard of the pilgrimage 16 years ago during my first semester of Music History. The pilgrimage was mentioned as an important travel route and was therefore a way in which western music evolved as returning pilgrims brought back home with them the music that they heard along the route. Traditionally the pilgrim would leave their front door and just start walking. Talk about a simple beginning to a long journey. I sat in class and I thought to myself: I could never do this. How could these people have the courage to leave their village and walk, with no maps, no credit cards, into a very wild wilderness, with bandits, wild animals and a very high possibility of disease and death. The more affluent would ride a horse or a donkey, but the average person would walk and the penitent would crawl. I was in awe of their courage and persistence and again I thought I could never do this.

Over the years I kept on thinking about the pilgrimage. I had ripped out the pages concerning the pilgrimage and kept it with me throughout my many moves to different provinces and countries. Then last fall when I was speaking with a colleague, he told me of how he was planning on leaving for four months to live in the middle of nowhere in a cabin in Newfoundland. I thought to myself: Lucky guy I wish that I could do that. Then I thought, wait I can do this if I really want to: I made my decision.

I began my walk on June 15th from St. Jean Pied a Port. I began my first day by attending a sung Mass in Basque at the local church. It was a moving experience to hear the congregation all raise their voices and I couldn't join them (although I did try, my Basque is a little rusty) and it struck me that I was halfway across the world getting ready to walk 800km. At the end of the service the priest acknowledged the pilgrims that were there and I felt very welcome and appreciated for the journey I was beginning. It is amazing to me that the people who live on a Camino route sees thousands of pilgrims every year and yet I still felt very special by their respect and appreciation for what I was doing. I left the church, picked up my backpack and began walking. I was aware that I was walking through the gates of the city with everything that I thought I might need on my back, and nothing more. Alone.

What would posses a sensible girl like me to leave this beautiful city and walk 800km across a country where I don't even speak the language? You know I am not even sure myself. I know that the challenge of walking the distance was a part of it, doing it all by myself is another and I think that it had been with me for so long that the timing was mine. I knew before I left that I would have plenty of time to think things through in my life, so I began to devise a list. I began with lofty ideals of overhauling my life and how I could change this and that, but I quickly realized that openness was the best policy for me. I decided to give myself possibilities instead of questions. Perhaps I would realize that I wanted to change everything in my life and nothing would be the same. Maybe I would quit everything when I came back and live in a cave or become a stockbroker in London and maybe nothing would change. This way of thinking would become one of my biggest gifts while I was on the Camino.

Before I left I had done my best to not read any literature about the way and just find it myself. I wanted to be open to possibility of how things would be for me in Spain and not how they should be or how they were for someone else. There were however a few things that I had expected which I quickly realized were not the case. I had intended to walk by myself and I was excited to spend this time alone in silent contemplation. I envisioned myself toiling along the path in the mist and the sun making my own spiritual mark on the Camino as a reverent pilgrim. Thinking for endless hours on my life, my loves, my music, you name it, it would come up. What ended up happening was quite different. I was never alone, ever. I certainly tried, often I would get a kilometer or two before someone would come and talk to me. This was puzzling and at first I found myself really questioning the appearance of these other people in my pilgrim existence. Wasn't I supposed to walk alone? Don't I spend most of my time giving my energy in my teaching, my performing, my service positions, wasn't it time for me? All sorts of people came my way and eventually I gave in to these friendships that were obviously a gift. I formed a little Camino family that consisted of myself, a Dutch girl named Karin, an American girl named Erin, and three German guys who really only shared the fact that they spoke the same language, Nico, Jens and Sebastian. I don't ever think that I would have picked 6 more disparate people to walk together, and now I don't think that I would have wanted anyone else. We only spent about 10 days together as a group but the effects were lasting for all of us. It wasn't until later on when I met other pilgrims that I realized how fortunate I was. Some people had spent the whole time by themselves with out forming any real attachments no mater how they tried, and here was I trying to shake off other people to get some “me” time. I learned my next Camino lesson, another that would be reinforced even daily when I returned: You don't get what you want, you get what you need.

When a pilgrim decides to walk the Camino he or she must acquire a credential. This ensures that you can stay in the albergues or pilgrim hostels, eat the lower cost pilgrim menus and it is what you must present in Santiago to receive your Compostel, the certificate that proves you walked the Camino de Santiago. Each place that you stop you receive a stamp and each when you arrive at an albergue they write down where you came from and give you a new stamp. Here is my credential, I actually stopped getting so many stamps as I was running out of room on my booklet and well I had many already. Even though this is just a piece of paper each stamp contains a memory of that day or moment or gift or lesson. So what is imprinted on me since returning from the Camino?

I learned that friendship is a gift and a blessing and that it can take you when you are grumpy, tired, hyper, sad, silly and most importantly yourself. I learned that you don't always get what you want, you get what you need and sometimes it takes a while to realize this. A lesson that I learned as well as many of my fellow pilgrims experienced is that we have all the answers to our questions in ourselves. Sometimes it takes some help to get the answers. It could take walking three weeks with blisters that have split and are bleeding to suddenly listen to what you have been trying to tell yourself this whole time. Other times it could be a kind word from a stranger that releases the answer that you have been too afraid to hear. Thanks to my Camino family I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I am ridiculously positive, that I am strong both physically and emotionally beyond anything that I ever imagined and most importantly that I am enough. That we are all enough. You are enough. Imagine waking up every morning and saying this.

Many people have asked me what the hardest thing about doing the Camino. I think that they expect me to say running out of water in the hot Spanish sun on the side of a mountain, walking for 41km or not having a place to stay the night. No, truly the hardest part of the Camino was actually getting there. Putting aside the time to do it, was an achievement in and of itself. I won't go into the details of my horrible weekly schedule but let's just say that it involves four jobs, practice time, and hopefully some exercise and if I am lucky solid sleep. Who was I to deserve this time off? How indulgent of me to fly away from all the pain and strife and frolic in Spain. I felt so much guilt and shame that I would be the beneficiary of such a gift. Doing this for myself, justifying to both myself and other people, ended up taking more courage than I had ever expected. By the time that I arrive in St Jean Pied de port I was emotionally drained and I knew that the hardest part was over, now I could enjoy all the possibilities of Camino.

There really is magic along the Camino. I don't think that any path that has been walked by so many people centuries before you and hopefully centuries after you can avoid the imprint of feet, sweat and tears. Each day for me felt like a week and each week a month. The friendships that I made were intense and fierce I am curious to see how and if they will evolve. When I first came back I could hardly talk about my trip. I realize now that it is because I have so many stories to tell and so many lessons that I learned both while I was there and since I have returned. I understand now why I was so overwhelmed.

I will share with you a moment that was full of so many aspects of my Camino. The ultimate end of the trip is the arrival at the cathedral de Santiago. It is an impressive building with a long nave and a high transept. There is a large incense burner if you are lucky enough you will see them swing along the whole length of the transept. There are also many rituals for arriving pilgrims, there is the statue of St James high above the altar, a tree of Jesse that you can touch among others. I arrived in Santiago on the 18th of July so I decided to go to the Mass on Sunday morning. I had all sorts of ideas as to what this service was going to be like. I had two of my pilgrim friends with me, one from Finland and one from Germany. There were also two Austrians I met two days before on the road to Santiago and several other familiar faces from many different languages and countries. We arrived 45 min early so we could get a seat in the nave of the church with a good view of the incense when it began to swing. I was excited; this is what I had walked for, to receive this blessing in a holy and reverent place. Before the service people were milling around taking pictures, a steady stream of tourist/pilgrims were hugging the statue of St. James and pilgrims with their backpacks were arriving exhausted. About 5 minutes before the service started things began to quiet down and it is then that I noticed that the people milling around just decided to stop and stand right in front of everyone in the nave of the church, what is going on? Where was the Christian decency? People were still taking photos and chatting and as the service began and indeed throughout the service people still walked behind the alter hugging the statue. I was shocked and stunned. This was my big Camino moment? I had walked 5 weeks to be in this tourist circus!!! Then it was announced that there was a special group from Brazil. In walk several people with giant headpieces that obscured what little view I had of the front. It is there that I sat back and began to chuckle. Not only did I not get anything near what I had wanted but I was given what I needed: the ability to see the situation as it was and not try and control it. So often we want things to be just as we imagine them or we are disappointed. But why do we do this to ourselves? None of us can “control a situation” sorry it doesn't work that way.

There I was with good friendship, no view of the altar, and I was in Spain. I made it. This mass was unlike anything else I had been to before. My eyes were opened and I embraced this feeling of wonderment. And then we passed the peace.

I will leave you with a blessing from a church in Belorado. Originally we stopped here because the albergue had a swimming pool, but this led us to a beautiful and intimate pilgrims' mass.

Since 13th century, this church has seen thousands of pilgrims pass by on their way to Santiago. You are continuing this tradition through your great efforts. We now want to think about the reasons that make us walk the way to Santiago. (Here) are three possible reasons:

The first is to thank God for all the beautiful things we have experienced in our lives. We give thanks that we are lucky enough to experience the reality of the Camino de Santiago. The second is, that each of us has in his heart a certain motivation for this pilgrimage. For example, we are looking for an answer to a question or hoping for a desire to be granted. Maybe we search for forgiveness? Or maybe only God knows the reason why we're here on the road to Santiago. We pray that each of us, through the apostle St James, may find what they are looking for.

The third reason is, that the Camino de Santiago is also called: “the way of the stars. Sometimes these starts seem to be hidden in the vast universe. Like the many stars out in the sky we become stars on the Camino, but we will find our way. We think that this is the message of St. James wants to give us: be stars on the way and shine! After this pilgrimage we shall be stars of the Camino, shining for our brothers and sisters and passing the message of Santiago on to the world!

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